One of God’s Children Heads To The Pokey

I’ve been sitting at my desk hitting F5 since 1:30 waiting for a certain update from a certain news outlet about a certain sentencing so I can do the happy dance in my seat. 

f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 

 At 2:45 I saw this: 

2:45 p.m.
Monica Conyers tried to withdraw her guilty plea, saying she would not go to jail for something she did not do. She claims that there are things on the wiretaps that might clear her. She said, “If I have to I’ll go to jail for what I’ve done, but I won’t go for what I didn’t do.” 

The judge agreed to not consider the relevant conduct that would have escalated her sentencing to 46 to 57 months. If he leaves that out, the guidelines would be 30-37 months. She is talking with her attorneys right now about whether they should proceed with sentencing.
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Livid doesn’t describe how I felt.  I was hot. I was pissed. I couldn’t believe that she’d have the gall to decide that she was really lying when she made her guilty plea, but not really lying and taking bribes.  Holy smokes.  I was ready to get in my car and drive to the courthouse. 

Then I saw this: 

2:54 p.m.
Monica Conyers has just been sentenced to 37 months in prison. She also received 2 years of supervised probation. Just before sentencing, Conyers screamed “If they have their tapes, I have my tapes too. I taped Rayford, I taped Riddle. You’ll be fair to me or I want to withdraw my plea.”  

She also yelled, “What about my children? They did nothing to cause this. All I did was try to help someone I fired.”
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*gasp* 

*lol* 

*happydance* 

I know we shouldn’t take pleasure in other’s misfortunes, but this has been too long in coming.  

Former Detroit City Council President Pro Tem, Monica Conyers was indicted on federal counts of bribery and conspiracy and after what I’m sure was a stern talk from her husband, US State Rep John Conyers, and some fairly sensible lawyers, she agreed to plead guilty to one count.  She’s been laying (lying?) low ever since, while (former Detroit Mayor and all around baby-eater*) Kwame Kilpatrick has been in and out of the Wayne County courts and her former aide and consultant, Sam Riddle, has already gone before the courts in a similar trial which resulted in a hung jury. He faces a retrial on June 12. 

Save the Drama for my Mama Llama

“What about my children? They did nothing to cause this.”
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I would imagine that’s for your husband’s new wife to decide – and let me be clear. There’s been  no rumor of a divorce, but as Rep Conyers is 130 years old (“My bones are already half dust.”**), he can’t afford to be three years without a wife, so applications are being accepted now at this website.  

“All I did was try to help someone I fired.”
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Yes – Judge Cohn – can’t you see the humanity dripping from her every orifice.  At least I think that’s humanity. 

Monica Conyers reports to prison on July 1, 2010. She has ten days to appeal her sentence, but I don’t see how that’s going to keep her out of jail. Her lawyers can handle that without her. 

ADDENDUM:

Except she can’t.  When Monica signed her plea agreement on June 22, 2009, she waived her right to withdraw her guilty plea. Her sentence is less than the guidelines offered in her agreement, so she cannot withdraw.  She can’t appeal. Read what you sign or have a grown up do it for you.

This however cracked me up:

Outside, her attorney Steve Fishman sidestepped questions of whether he was still her lawyer, saying, “The case is over,” adding “I might wind up a witness” in the matter of her trying to withdraw her plea.

Asked if she can withdraw her plea Fishman said, “That’s a good question.”

Asked for his reaction to her courtroom scene, Fishman said, “Write what you saw; write what you heard.”

Asked if he knew Conyers would react as she did, he said, “Did it look like I did?”
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Because that’s what it’s like on the island of Self-Important Crazy, population 1. Pity the wee little Fishman beached on her coral reefs of Entitlement, yet take note how quickly he makes waves once he sees open ocean. Be free, little Fishman!

ADDENDUM 2

So in reading her plea agreement (courtesy of The Detroit Free Press) a few this pops up:

Not only can she not withdraw her appeal on a whim, but if she by some fluke or miracle she is allowed, all previous charges will be reinstated AND if the governemt finds any more dirt on her (like something about John signing tax returns with bribe money reported) within six months of her withdrawal, new charges get added to the original indictment and she can’t appeal that those weren’t filed timely.

She could go away for a long time and owe a lot lotta money unless she finds another lawyer that can get her head screwed on straight.

Do it, Monica – show your supports just how untouchable you think you are.  That City seems to love itself a Felon. Welcome to the rolls.

______________ 

*Baby eating rumors have not been substantiated, much like the rumored Manoogian Mansion party. 

**Agnes Skinner, The Simpsons, Worst Episode Ever,  Season 12 Episode 259.