Movie Review: The Graveyard (2006)

The Graveyard
2006
NR, 93 minutes

“A group of friends experiences a night of horror in this shocking tale of terror. Mourning the loss of a mutual buddy, they visit his grave on the anniversary of his death. But the evening takes an unexpected turn when buried secrets are revealed — and the trip to the graveyard turns into a night of revenge. Lindsay Ballew, Patrick Scott Lewis, Markus Potter, Trish Coren, Chris Stewart and Leif Lillehaugen co-star in this creepy chiller..” (Netflix)

Starring:  Christopher Stewart, Sam Bologna and Trish Coren
Written by: Michael HurstDirected by: Michael Feifer
Produced by: MRG Entertainment and Mainline Releasing
Distributed by: Lions Gate Films Home Entertainment

Trailer:

As usual, the Netflix descriptions aren’t even close.  To celebrate to parole of a friend as well as the 5-year anniversary of the death of another, a group reunites to grieve, drink, have sex, and atone for what they did – only there’s a killer on the loose to make sure their offerings are permanent.

Whatever – it’s a by the numbers, straight to video horror flick, with lots of pointless sex, shower scenes that linger over bodies in positions made only for these kinds of horror movies, and leaps in time and logic. This is your standard T&A flick – you’re not supposed to think about the holes in the plot, the clichéd dialogue, or the random crazy lesbian whose sole purpose is to stalk on-screen, rant, make idle angry lesbian threads, and die. I guess that’s scary. *shrug*

1 – Wow Factor – More like “wow, the Sheriff was right behind you and now it’s dark and he still hasn’t caught you – yet you managed to lose him?”

2 – WanderLust – Got up 4 times for drinks, bathroom and to make hot dogs. Never bothered to pause it.

3 – Rewind – They were making these same movies when I was a kid – no worries, there’s no thread to lose.

4 – Recommend – I think this was in a six-pack of movies that popped up when I added something else. No recommendation to pass on.

5 – Movie Math – (Prom Night + Friday The 13th)  + every other teen horror movie ever made – (Jamie Lee Curtis – Jason’s Mom) – a killer you could actually be afraid of = The Graveyard

6 – Netflix Rating – Two Stars

Next Up: Vidocq 2001