Learnin’ ain’t for the feeble of mind or slow of search engine…

"A degree in Necromancy in less than 2 years! What could possibly go wrong?"

I’m less than 24 hours into thinking I want a change in my life so I’m still in high research mode. Being a mortician Is a lofty goal right now, so I understand I need to set my sights a little lower, say an autopsy tech, or even sexton at one of the local boneyards. This means plugging various incarnations of the phrase “autopsy tech technician pathologist assistant pathology morgue mortuary Michigan” etc…

I enjoy doing this. I love research. It’s the compiling part that trips me up.

Anyway, I’m looking at small pathology programs that will help me work towards my goals, preferably programs in and around where I live. I’m also compiling information as to what would be expected of a student/intern/potential employee. It would help me understand and evaluate what strengths I have now, and what I would need to work on.

This is all very adult of me.

I’m not posting to crow about my atrophied skills, but point out why the internet is a treacherous place for ignorant people. I feel I should perhaps send my resume to this company for their research department.

I surf to a site called MyMajors.com. It’s sponsored by ads and if there’s one thing the internet has, it’s plenty of real estate upon which to erect ad-sponsored shacks of detritus. Look, They have a page for Autopsy Assistant. Perfect.

Description

Perform administrative and certain clinical duties under the direction of a physician.

So far so good.

Administrative duties may include scheduling appointments, maintaining medical records, billing, and coding information for insurance purposes

Wait.

Clinical duties may include taking and recording vital signs and medical histories, preparing patients for examination, drawing blood, and administering medications as directed by physician.

Then:

  • Prepare treatment rooms for patient examinations, keeping the rooms neat and clean.
  • Interview patients to obtain medical information and measure their vital signs, weight, and height.
  • Show patients to examination rooms and prepare them for the physician.
  • Help physicians examine and treat patients, handing them instruments or materials or performing such tasks as giving injections or removing sutures.
  • Record patients’ medical history, vital statistics, or information such as test results in medical records.
  • Explain treatment procedures, medications, diets, or physicians’ instructions to patients.
  • Collect blood, tissue, or other laboratory specimens, log the specimens, and prepare them for testing.
  • Clean and sterilize instruments and dispose of contaminated supplies.
  • Schedule appointments for patients.
  • Perform general office duties, such as answering telephones, taking dictation, or completing insurance forms.
  • Greet and log in patients arriving at office or clinic.
  • And so on, but I want to get to the point

Hmm…..

Some of those I totally get.

  • Prepare treatment rooms for patient examinations, keeping the rooms neat and clean.
  • Collect blood, tissue, or other laboratory specimens, log the specimens, and prepare them for testing.
  • Perform general office duties, such as answering telephones, taking dictation, or completing insurance forms.

The rest are a little a wth

  • Schedule appointments for patients.
  • Greet and log in patients arriving at office or clinic.
  • Explain treatment procedures, medications, diets, or physicians’ instructions to patients.
  • Change dressings on wounds. (bit late for this one)
  • Keep financial records or perform other bookkeeping duties, such as handling credit or collections or mailing monthly statements to patients.

Well, at least they won’t be hard to find, but getting them to return your calls might be a little difficult.

I re-read from the beginning and I think I see the issue. In the initial paragraph there is a sentence, “A job as an Autopsy Assistant falls under the broader career category of Medical Assistants” which means whomever was tasked to write this page, simply read that initial instruction and copied everything under Medical Assistant. Autopsy Tech may indeed fall under the umbrella of Medical Assistant, much like Culinary Arts might fall under Animal Husbandry, if for no other reason that eventually one may lead (after a long winding trail full of confusing signs) to the other.

This is why I (complain in private to people who understand) dislike content mills on the Internet (this however is another rant for another time). This site is basically just that, designed to cull information from other, more reputable sites and make it look informative and brand new. Except it’s hardly new and most definitely wrong, and it’s received enough hits so it’s the first listing on Google when using my string.

There was other very vague, really wrong information, on that page as well as listing every college that offers an Autopsy Assistant Degree.

Really?

Because …

Nevermind. It’s not about information, it’s about hits. Lesson learned.

The more I dig, the more I appreciate my parents choosing where I’d go to college (despite the fact that I walked away from it 2 years later) because I couldn’t imagine planning four years of my life around shoddy information, and there is a lot of that online. I feel like ringing my high school counselor for advice.